Hugs and XXXXX's

I have come to PDA (public displays of affection) late in life. My parents were English and we did not hug much. My ex-husband also was not affectionate.

I pitied those poor people who had to cuddle in public, as if they were trying to prove something to themselves. I thought they were all fake.

Then I met my fiancée.

Quite quickly I realized that I want to hug all the time and it doesn’t matter at all if there are people around. I just like to be as close to him as I can.

Research shows that I am likely to live longer now. Those regular hugs (and xxx’s) are good for my immune system. They foster endorphins, the feel good hormones.

I have really surprised myself and I began to wonder how many other people are denying their affectionate side.

Maybe you are.

Do you have someone to hug? Or something?

Some people have pets. Some people cuddle teddy bears. If you have children, you should be well hugged up.

A happy person needs someone to love (see my S post) and a hug is a great way to show love.

X is for XXXX’s. Lots of hugs and XXX’s.

Work Will Win Where Wishing Won't

I don’t know where I first heard the phrase above but it is a great saying as well as a wonderful way to use lots of w’s in one sentence. Work is important. As well as a means to an end it is an essential part of our life.

In my blog post called Using your Uniqueness to Unlock more Joy, I wrote about how a happy person needs something to do. We need some kind of role that creates a purpose in our life. It is good for our body and soul, and, despite books like “The Secret” and “The Laws of Attraction,” there still has to be an element of “doing” to make anything happen.

Sometimes we just have to roll up our sleeves and work.

Today I visited the friend of a friend, who is in a rest home. She is nearly blind and has limited use of her limbs. She spends her days in a bed, propped up so she can hear the TV. I left feeling incredibly sad.

There are many people who wish they could do nothing all day. The reality is not so much fun. It gets boring and is also more tiring than a productive days work.

I used to think work was a nasty four letter word. Now I am older I am happy to have things to do. Work brings satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy.
Mother Theresa captured the crux of the matter when she said “
I slept and I dreamed that life is all joy
I woke and I saw that life is all service.
I served and I saw that service is joy.

May you find lots of happiness and joy in your work.

(This post is part of the A-Z challenge. To find out more click on the link at the top of the page)

Value in the Volumes of Verbosity

It has been a busy three weeks since I signed up for the A – Z blogging challenge. This is my 22nd post in 25 days. Wow. All the way up to V and now just four more posts to go.

As part of the challenge I have read many wonderful blogs by others who are taking part. My favourite is probably Tale-Spinner. He started with the story of an apartment building blowing up and then each day worked through stories of the people in the building.

I have also read the blogs of many others who didn’t do so well.

Some struggled through and the posts got less and less interesting. Sometimes there were gaps, or just a photo. Sometimes there was a link to someone else’s blog. A few just petered out.

Sometimes life gets in the way of the goals we set and sometimes we just have to shift our focus for a while.

If we want to be happy, we have to be flexible. No matter how well we plan, things can change. Something becomes more difficult or causes more problems than we expect. Sometimes things happen to make our original goal unworkable.

Much of life’s anxiety is caused by thinking we should be somewhere else, doing something else, or even doing things a different way.

Life is not about having, or doing, the most. To truly enjoy life, we just have to accept where we are and value each moment, even, or maybe especially, when things don’t go to plan.

As I write this I am happy. I am happy because I love to write and I love to create. I am happy because I have successfully avoided having to clean house for a bit longer.

I am also happy because I am working on a goal. They say you have to write a hundred thousand words before you can become a good writer. I am getting closer to that goal.

I am also happy because I have learned that I can accept a challenge and keep going, … all the way through the alphabet.

I hope you have found reading this valuable too.

U - Using your Uniqueness to Unlock more Joy

A happy person has something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.
Something to do

Be glad you have things to do. Cut down if you need to, but don’t resent your work. Happiness comes from being productive and useful.

If you hate your job, it might be time for a change. That could be a change of job or a change of attitude towards your job.

Traditional advice has been to find something you love and to make that your life’s work. Timothy Ferris in his book “The Four Hour Work Week” says that for most of us that is not possible. We are not always able to make a living from our passion.

So then what do we do?

We decide to enjoy what we are doing now or find a job we can live with that allows us a lifestyle we do enjoy.

Someone to Love

It is a wonderful feeling when someone loves us, but what is essential to our happiness is that we have someone to love. Allow yourself to really feel that love and don’t let the little annoyances of everyday life spoil it for you.

Hug your children each day. Tell your spouse you love them often. Call a good friend and get together. Hug your cat.

Pets are also a wonderful opportunity to give love. See here for a video about some people who love their pets.
Something to look forward to

Being in the planning and preparing stage of a project can be exciting. Goals energize us and help us persevere when times are tough.

If you haven’t achieved all your dreams, you are lucky; having something to look forward to makes life worthwhile.

So, embrace your job, or apply for a new one. Hug your husband, or buy a puppy. Plan a shopping trip, or arrange to go on a yearlong retreat.

U - Use your uniqueness to unlock more joy in your life.

(This post is part of the A-Z blogging challenge. For more information see the icon above on the right)

Thankful - There are Toads on the Road to the Toilet

When I was first married, I lived in Samoa with my new husband. We stayed in a house with rickety walls, slide out slatted windows, and a concrete block bathroom without hot water.


Later we stayed with family that did not even have a bathroom. They showered under a cold water hose handing from a tree. It was visible from the house and at night it was all lit up so it was like showering under a spotlight. Even with a cloth wrapped around you for modesty it was uncomfortable.

The toilet was even further away. There were no septic systems there at that time so it was just a shed containing a wooden seat perched over a deep hole.

Sitting on the toilet was freaky. There were toads in the hole and you could hear them croaking from below.

There were also toads on the path to the toilet. Loud, noisy, and so many it seemed I was doomed to step on one at every step, especially at night.

The kitchen was a stone floor lean to on the back of the main building with a small gas stove.

It made me realize how lucky I have always been. I was born into a culture with indoor plumbing and hot water on tap. I have always had comfortable furniture, and convenient cooking options. I have numerous communication options, including phones, video calling, email, and even reliable snail mail.

In Samoa, I had neighbours whose home was a wooden floor with a coconut fiber roof and drop down mats for walls. I do not know what they did for a toilet but they often washed in a basin.

They were still happy.

Epictetus said “He is a man of sense who does not grieve for what he has not, but rejoices in what he has.

Suds in the Sink

I remember a wonderful American woman who invited me to dinner in her home one night. After dinner I helped in the kitchen and she told me that she loved washing dishes. I was a teenager and frankly I did not believe her.

I suspected she made it to encourage me to be optimistic about a chore that would be a big part of my life for the rest of my life. I thought she was making it up.

I was wrong.

Some years later, I read a story about a woman who had regained her sight after many years of blindness. She became mesmerized by the shiny rainbow bubbles in the dishwater and described it in a way that made me wonder what I had been missing.

I began to look more closely. I noticed the sparkling clearness of the water and how it churned a stripe of luminescent dishwashing liquid into iridescent bubbles. I began to take pride in a shiny glass and a spotless plate. I began to appreciate the ability to see, and to hear, and to enjoy all the little things that I often take for granted. And I became happier.

Is there anything that you do every day that you are seeing from the wrong angle?

Could you take more joy in cleaning your home? Many people don’t have a home to keep clean.

Can you appreciate your children, even when they keep you up at night? Many people would love to have children but can’t.

It pays to look at things from a different angle.

I will probably never grow to love doing dishes, and there are so many more things I would rather do than clean house, but I do make an attempt to look for the bubbles and not the dirt in each chore.

It really helps.

A Right Royal Roadblock

There is a fable about a king who built a wonderful wide new road to his city and then promised a huge reward to the person who travelled the road the best. People came from miles around to travel the road. They came in all their finery and with the most lavish vehicles they could find. Some travelled with lots of attendants dressed in fine clothes. So many people tried to impress the king but he would not be impressed.

Towards the end of the day, a humble villager travelled the road alone and without any fanfare at all. As he travelled he came across a huge roadblock in the road. A large pile of rocks and stones had fallen on the road and blocked most of the road. Previous travelers had walked around it, but this man got to work to clear it all away.

As he cleared the last stones, he was surprised to find a bag of gold hidden at the bottom of the pile. When he reached the city, he went to visit the king and told him of his find. The king was overjoyed. He said the gold now belonged to the traveller. He said it was his reward. He told him "he who clears the way for others, travels the road the best."

Today is a simple reminder that there are many roadblocks on the road of life. Death, divorce, illness, job loss, financial troubles. We all go through problems but helping make the road a little easier for others brings great rewards.

• We stop focusing on our own troubles

• We sometimes learn new skills and

• We feel good about ourselves

Everyone has roadblocks. Helping clear the way for others will make us stronger, kinder, and happier.

Is there someone you know that could use a friendly phone call or a quick email message? Could someone in your family use a special meal or a night out? Is it time you considered something bigger, maybe sponsoring a child, or donating your time to a charity once a week.

The world is full of people who just might need you to make the difference they need.