Don't "Think" too much.

Like many people, I have entire conversations in my head that no one else knows about. I examine past events in detail so see if I could have done better. I speculate on the possible reason for the grocery clerk to be short with me, and I justify my actions to no one in particular.

To some extent it is helpful. Sometimes I learn something, but more often it is just noise in my head. Sometimes I have such a rich internal life that sometimes I forget to notice what is around me.

I drive on auto pilot, arriving at my destination without any memory of the trip. I put down my keys while thinking of something else and then can’t find them. I eat a whole block of chocolate without noticing because my mind was somewhere else.

What a waste.

Studies suggest that living in the moment is important for happiness. If you are always thinking of something else then it is hard to enjoy the here and now, to enjoy the smell of new washing, the detail in the clouds, or the smile of a friend. Minutes, days and years go by and we fail to make the most of them by being here in body and in spirit.

One time I was trying to explain one of my random musings to my long suffering husband. He listened patiently and then said simply “don’t think too much.”

With these wise words in my head, I stopped second guessing the situation and just let it be. My stress levels dropped instantly.

To you, my good friends who read this blog, be mindful..

Enjoy the moment, savour the simple pleasures, relish the opportunities, and be thankful for each minute.

It will make you happier.

You're Not Normal!

A friend of mine was working for a roadside rescue service when he got a call that someone had broken down out of town. It was late at night so he got out of bed and went to help.


When he got there he quickly found the problem with the car and began to tell the owner what was wrong.

The owner of the car disagreed. He began to argue that the diagnosis was wrong. My friend tried to explain but the customer just got more and more wound up. Finally he could not think of anything else to say, so he reverted to insults.

“There is something wrong with you mate,” he said. “You’re not normal. I am and I can prove it. Can you?

Then he pulled out a letter from a mental health institution saying he had been judged of sound mental health.

I know my friend and he is the salt of the earth; kind, generous, and caring. He also likes lots of time alone and would sooner die alone than burden others with his problems. Is that normal?

I have a IQ that puts me in the Mensa level but I do not have a job. Is that normal?

Bringing out a certificate to prove you are sane. Is that normal?

It is quite normal for people to differ in their approach to life.

Some people spend days dressed up as Superman, or studying frogs, or climbing life-threatening mountains. In an English court it is normal for lawyers to wear string wigs and black cloaks. In New Zealand it is normal to paint your face black and white when the All Blacks are playing rugby.

As long as we don’t hurt anyone else, our unique roles, hobbies, and passions, define us and enrich our lives.

Do you like music that no one else seems to like? Do you avoid parties even though “everyone else” is going? Normal is different for everyone and there is no point worrying if everyone else seems to be smarter, or taller, or bolder, or better looking, or likes different things than we do. We are who we are, and we should be happy in our own skin.

It is normal to be unique, different, and maybe a little quirky. It is what makes us different, and interesting, and is quite normal… even if we don’t have a certificate to prove it.

Zest, Zeal, and putting some Zing in your life

This is going to be a short, sweet, last A-Z post.

How do you live longer and have more energy to enjoy it?

You know.

• Eat more vegetables and fish
• Exercise often
• Drink more water
• Socialize with friends
• Meditate or slow down for a portion of each day
• Eat less sugar and processed foods
Most of us know this list, and despite the fact that there are fads in healthy living, we know how ot be healthier.

So how come we are not?

Today is a good time to choose one thing to work on.

Take time each day for a walk. Cut out a mid-morning sugar snack and replace it with fruit. Seek out a nice salad recipe. There are a myriad of small actions that can make a difference in the energy we have each day.

Choose one that makes you smile and start living with more zest and zeal.

Y - Just Say Yes

My children were shy. Teachers used to tell me that they rarely put up their hands to answer a question, and they rarely volunteered for anything.

Often they didn’t get special opportunities like camp leader, or hall monitor, just because they held back, and there was no question of them playing the lead role in the school play.

As adults they have changed. One was in a stage show and played four parts. One is in the Philippines, living in a new culture and learning a new language. It took them time to realize that there were so many interesting things in the world that they could do.

For many of us life is busy and we can feel overwhelmed. It could be that we are not saying “no” often enough. We may have agreed to look after other people’s children, or taken on extra responsibilities at work.

The other way to look at it is to say “yes.”

“Yes, I will look after my friend’s children but in return I will have an afternoon off.”

“Yes, I will take on extra work that will increase my skills” or “I will concentrate on my core job and deflect work that will distract me.”

“Yes, I will help that friend who needs me, but I will do something fun on the way back.”

One way is negative and limits us from doing things. The other is positive and will increase the happiness in our lives instead of the stress.

What do you need to say “yes” to?

Hugs and XXXXX's

I have come to PDA (public displays of affection) late in life. My parents were English and we did not hug much. My ex-husband also was not affectionate.

I pitied those poor people who had to cuddle in public, as if they were trying to prove something to themselves. I thought they were all fake.

Then I met my fiancée.

Quite quickly I realized that I want to hug all the time and it doesn’t matter at all if there are people around. I just like to be as close to him as I can.

Research shows that I am likely to live longer now. Those regular hugs (and xxx’s) are good for my immune system. They foster endorphins, the feel good hormones.

I have really surprised myself and I began to wonder how many other people are denying their affectionate side.

Maybe you are.

Do you have someone to hug? Or something?

Some people have pets. Some people cuddle teddy bears. If you have children, you should be well hugged up.

A happy person needs someone to love (see my S post) and a hug is a great way to show love.

X is for XXXX’s. Lots of hugs and XXX’s.

Work Will Win Where Wishing Won't

I don’t know where I first heard the phrase above but it is a great saying as well as a wonderful way to use lots of w’s in one sentence. Work is important. As well as a means to an end it is an essential part of our life.

In my blog post called Using your Uniqueness to Unlock more Joy, I wrote about how a happy person needs something to do. We need some kind of role that creates a purpose in our life. It is good for our body and soul, and, despite books like “The Secret” and “The Laws of Attraction,” there still has to be an element of “doing” to make anything happen.

Sometimes we just have to roll up our sleeves and work.

Today I visited the friend of a friend, who is in a rest home. She is nearly blind and has limited use of her limbs. She spends her days in a bed, propped up so she can hear the TV. I left feeling incredibly sad.

There are many people who wish they could do nothing all day. The reality is not so much fun. It gets boring and is also more tiring than a productive days work.

I used to think work was a nasty four letter word. Now I am older I am happy to have things to do. Work brings satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy.
Mother Theresa captured the crux of the matter when she said “
I slept and I dreamed that life is all joy
I woke and I saw that life is all service.
I served and I saw that service is joy.

May you find lots of happiness and joy in your work.

(This post is part of the A-Z challenge. To find out more click on the link at the top of the page)

Value in the Volumes of Verbosity

It has been a busy three weeks since I signed up for the A – Z blogging challenge. This is my 22nd post in 25 days. Wow. All the way up to V and now just four more posts to go.

As part of the challenge I have read many wonderful blogs by others who are taking part. My favourite is probably Tale-Spinner. He started with the story of an apartment building blowing up and then each day worked through stories of the people in the building.

I have also read the blogs of many others who didn’t do so well.

Some struggled through and the posts got less and less interesting. Sometimes there were gaps, or just a photo. Sometimes there was a link to someone else’s blog. A few just petered out.

Sometimes life gets in the way of the goals we set and sometimes we just have to shift our focus for a while.

If we want to be happy, we have to be flexible. No matter how well we plan, things can change. Something becomes more difficult or causes more problems than we expect. Sometimes things happen to make our original goal unworkable.

Much of life’s anxiety is caused by thinking we should be somewhere else, doing something else, or even doing things a different way.

Life is not about having, or doing, the most. To truly enjoy life, we just have to accept where we are and value each moment, even, or maybe especially, when things don’t go to plan.

As I write this I am happy. I am happy because I love to write and I love to create. I am happy because I have successfully avoided having to clean house for a bit longer.

I am also happy because I am working on a goal. They say you have to write a hundred thousand words before you can become a good writer. I am getting closer to that goal.

I am also happy because I have learned that I can accept a challenge and keep going, … all the way through the alphabet.

I hope you have found reading this valuable too.

U - Using your Uniqueness to Unlock more Joy

A happy person has something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.
Something to do

Be glad you have things to do. Cut down if you need to, but don’t resent your work. Happiness comes from being productive and useful.

If you hate your job, it might be time for a change. That could be a change of job or a change of attitude towards your job.

Traditional advice has been to find something you love and to make that your life’s work. Timothy Ferris in his book “The Four Hour Work Week” says that for most of us that is not possible. We are not always able to make a living from our passion.

So then what do we do?

We decide to enjoy what we are doing now or find a job we can live with that allows us a lifestyle we do enjoy.

Someone to Love

It is a wonderful feeling when someone loves us, but what is essential to our happiness is that we have someone to love. Allow yourself to really feel that love and don’t let the little annoyances of everyday life spoil it for you.

Hug your children each day. Tell your spouse you love them often. Call a good friend and get together. Hug your cat.

Pets are also a wonderful opportunity to give love. See here for a video about some people who love their pets.
Something to look forward to

Being in the planning and preparing stage of a project can be exciting. Goals energize us and help us persevere when times are tough.

If you haven’t achieved all your dreams, you are lucky; having something to look forward to makes life worthwhile.

So, embrace your job, or apply for a new one. Hug your husband, or buy a puppy. Plan a shopping trip, or arrange to go on a yearlong retreat.

U - Use your uniqueness to unlock more joy in your life.

(This post is part of the A-Z blogging challenge. For more information see the icon above on the right)

Suds in the Sink

I remember a wonderful American woman who invited me to dinner in her home one night. After dinner I helped in the kitchen and she told me that she loved washing dishes. I was a teenager and frankly I did not believe her.

I suspected she made it to encourage me to be optimistic about a chore that would be a big part of my life for the rest of my life. I thought she was making it up.

I was wrong.

Some years later, I read a story about a woman who had regained her sight after many years of blindness. She became mesmerized by the shiny rainbow bubbles in the dishwater and described it in a way that made me wonder what I had been missing.

I began to look more closely. I noticed the sparkling clearness of the water and how it churned a stripe of luminescent dishwashing liquid into iridescent bubbles. I began to take pride in a shiny glass and a spotless plate. I began to appreciate the ability to see, and to hear, and to enjoy all the little things that I often take for granted. And I became happier.

Is there anything that you do every day that you are seeing from the wrong angle?

Could you take more joy in cleaning your home? Many people don’t have a home to keep clean.

Can you appreciate your children, even when they keep you up at night? Many people would love to have children but can’t.

It pays to look at things from a different angle.

I will probably never grow to love doing dishes, and there are so many more things I would rather do than clean house, but I do make an attempt to look for the bubbles and not the dirt in each chore.

It really helps.

A Right Royal Roadblock

There is a fable about a king who built a wonderful wide new road to his city and then promised a huge reward to the person who travelled the road the best. People came from miles around to travel the road. They came in all their finery and with the most lavish vehicles they could find. Some travelled with lots of attendants dressed in fine clothes. So many people tried to impress the king but he would not be impressed.

Towards the end of the day, a humble villager travelled the road alone and without any fanfare at all. As he travelled he came across a huge roadblock in the road. A large pile of rocks and stones had fallen on the road and blocked most of the road. Previous travelers had walked around it, but this man got to work to clear it all away.

As he cleared the last stones, he was surprised to find a bag of gold hidden at the bottom of the pile. When he reached the city, he went to visit the king and told him of his find. The king was overjoyed. He said the gold now belonged to the traveller. He said it was his reward. He told him "he who clears the way for others, travels the road the best."

Today is a simple reminder that there are many roadblocks on the road of life. Death, divorce, illness, job loss, financial troubles. We all go through problems but helping make the road a little easier for others brings great rewards.

• We stop focusing on our own troubles

• We sometimes learn new skills and

• We feel good about ourselves

Everyone has roadblocks. Helping clear the way for others will make us stronger, kinder, and happier.

Is there someone you know that could use a friendly phone call or a quick email message? Could someone in your family use a special meal or a night out? Is it time you considered something bigger, maybe sponsoring a child, or donating your time to a charity once a week.

The world is full of people who just might need you to make the difference they need.

H is for Healthy Habits

It’s hard to be happy when you are sick, tired, or stressed. It is also tough to find joy if you are addicted to harmful substances including common items like caffeine, nicotine, fat, or sugar.

Have you done an inventory of your eating habits lately?

Are you eating healthy food that nourishes and energises your body?

Are you avoiding items that disagree with your internal system?

The healthiest way to eat is to eat foods in their natural state and avoid processed foods. It should be easy.

But it’s not. There is more to know.

We need to know our own bodies.

I was the healthiest when I avoided sugar, all wheat flour, and all milk products. My friend swears by the blood group diet. Another was happiest when losing weight with shakes and protein powders.

Not everyone is the same. It can take a lot of time and persistence to find out what is best for your body.

But it is worth it.

You could see what happens when you give up one unhealthy item, or you could go cold turkey on a whole group of items such as anything that contains sugar.

You could also add something to your diet such as more fresh vegetables, or more water.

Health is so important for your happiness. It would be well worth finding out what suits you and your body and making the changes that suit.

H is for healthy Habits.

(This blog post is part of the A-Z challenge. For more information please follow the link above right)

E is for Embrace Emotions

I have spoken to several friends who all agree that the end of their marriage was not when they began to argue. The marriage deteriorated quickly when the problems were still there but they stopped arguing about them. The rot set in when the numbness and apathy set in.

Emotions are healthy. They keep us tuned into what is going wrong in our life and what is going right. Emotions are a natural part of what makes us human.

We learn about ourselves and about others through emotional experiences. They are a valuable part of who we are.

The healthy way to deal with an emotion is to accept it, express it and then get over it.

First, acknowledge you feel this way. Allow yourself to be human. Look deeper and ask yourself what is at the root of this emotion.

If you are angry, then ask yourself why? Is it that your husband is late again or that you haven’t had enough time with him lately?

Are you sad because you did not get the promotion or because you feel rejected?

Emotions can be complicated and sometimes it pays to look deeper to find what is really going on. Ask yourself if there is anything else under the feeling. Take as much time as you need.

When you are ready, express it. Share it with someone you trust.

I am angry with you. I am feeling miserable. I am so tired.

Make it an “I” message not a “you” message. It is your feeling. The other person can probably tell how you feel. Letting them know is often more helpful than keeping it to yourself.

Then let it go.

If you are angry, say so and then move on. If you are sad, take some time to grieve and then move on.

Don’t let unexpressed emotions become a tight little ball in your chest. It is almost impossible to be happy this way.

Honour yourself by being open to your emotions and sharing them appropriately and safely.

E is for Embrace your Emotions

(This post is part of the A-Z challenge. If you wish to know more, please click the link on the right of this page.)

Serving up Happiness

If you read my book or some of my other blogs, you will know I do a bit of geocaching, hunting for containers hidden by others who do the sport.

On the trip from Wellington to Napier, I was prompted to stop at several points of interest because there were geocaches to find. There was a lunchbox behind an 1870’s horse and cattle trough, a plastic bottle under the tiny 10 by 10 red wooden store from last century, and a screw top jar at one of the lookouts. I found a hidden picnic park, a rest stop with wild chickens, and sculptures carved out of tree stumps.

I had so much fun in the journey and found places I had passed many times without noticing. I was having a great day, but there was an underlying sadness that spilled out into tears on a long stretch where I had too much time to think.


The Memorial

One relationship has been tough lately and I am trying to keep busy and not think about it. I am trying to concentrate on what is going right in my life, and I am generally happy, but sometimes it hits me all at once and I am sad again.

While I was feeling sorry for myself I stopped at the next geocache. It was near a large monolith type memorial to our fallen soldiers. It was very remote for such an imposing structure. I took out my camera but something didn’t seem right.

It was sadly neglected and full of waist high weeds. I know how much I personally benefit from the freedom that I have. Much of that is thanks to those who were willing to go out and fight for justice and freedom.



Then I thought of the goals I had just set for myself. “Health” “Wealth” (I just need an income not a fortune) and “Contribution.” I want to contribute more. Do daily good deeds. Show more kindness.

I got to and pulled some weeds, glad I was in my usual casual explore clothes and shoes and wishing I had some gloves with me.

It was hot work. I cleared away all the larger weeds but left the small ones; there were just too many. I took away the empty yoghurt pot, but left the weeds to rot into the grass. It wasn’t a great job, but the memorial looked a whole lot better when I took the photo.

What surprised me the most was the change in my attitude.

Just ten minutes before I had been having a little cry over a problem I was having. As I left the memorial I was smiling and happy. I was also energised.

Contribution is not just about helping other people. It is about bringing out the humanity in myself and being a better person. It is about getting past my own troubles and realising I am luckier than most. It is about being connected to others and less introspective.

I have heard many times that we love those we serve. I have noticed we also love ourselves more when we serve. And… we are happier.

Six Ways to Overcome Rejection

The path to happiness is not easy and smooth. Sometimes we feel rejected, and that can make a serious dent in our happiness.

Just a few years ago I was happily employed as a middle level manager. I had a good income, a company car, a laptop and phone, and nice people to work with.

Then one day I was made redundant.

It was a real blow and it felt like a personal insult.

I was assured the redundancy was not performance related. The organisation was restructuring to cope with the recession, and I did not have the right qualification for the new role, but I took it badly I still felt miserable, rejected and humiliated.

It took most of the weekend, but I managed to find a way to overcome the rejection and hurt, and to move into a better space. These are some processes that helped me not only cope, but thrive.

Look for the positive in the situation.

I asked myself what were the benefits of my situation. My first happy thought was that I would no longer have to work with my immediate manager who was difficult and made life stressful for all around her.

I was also thankful I was not responsible for supporting a family.

Make new plans.

Rejection often changes our plans for the future, so make some new ones. I took full advantage of free retraining that was offered and made plans to move overseas to be closer to family and friends.

Don’t take it too personally.

Most rejection says more about the other person than about you. I was made redundant because the senior management decided that the person in my role needed a qualification I didn’t have. Other times people lash out at each other because they feel bad.

Being rejected is part of life and does not mean we can not be perfectly acceptable somewhere else. While I felt unwanted and unappreciated at first, I chose to see it as a business decision and not a personal insult.

Consider how it affects others.

Are others affected too? My workmates were the ones who had to stay and cope with my job as well as theirs. They also had to manage the difficult boss. Thinking about others helped me feel less sorry for myself and it took my mind off my own difficulties.

Accept the inevitable.

One of my colleagues decided to fight her redundancy. It made her last few weeks bitter and unhappy and she still had to leave. By all means fight rejection if it is unjust, but if the situation is unchangeable, accept it, and work with it.

Trust it happened for a reason and can be over come.

Life is always changing, and the only option is to keep moving. Say to yourself; where is this challenge going to lead? If you have trouble with this, look for others that have gone through the same rejection and succeeded.

In my case I didn’t have to look too far. My husband had started his own successful business after he was made redundant.

I started travelling and house sitting. I love what I do now and I wouldn’t go back for any amount of money. Both people who worked in my office have also moved on because of the manager. I might have been lucky to get out when I did.

Taking this road instead of the “poor me” route takes courage and perseverance. It is sometimes easier to fall in a heap and feel sorry for ourselves.

After thinking things through my situation using this process, I went into work for my final few weeks feeling cheerful and happy. I was the one smiling and my workmates were the ones feeling anxious about the changes.

With a few simple techniques and the right attitude, it is possible to overcome rejection and even turn it into something positive.

Now I have a new life that I love so much I wrote a book about it called "HouseSitting in Australia."

We all get rejected some times, but with the right mindset we can move on quickly.

Happiness or Success

Some people wonder if they should pursue happiness or success. They think it is an either/or world; we work hard and sacrifice for our success and we enjoy happiness when we can. These people may only allow themselves to be happy two weeks a year when on holiday, or worse, decide to delay happiness until some specified point in the future.

It’s a shame.

Happiness is the point of our existence. It is not the goal, but is found in the everyday experiences of working towards meaningful goals.

The joy is in the journey and reaching the goal can sometimes bring an emptiness we don’t expect. We stop and wonder, …. Now what do we do? Is this all there is?

Have you noticed that a surprising number of famous people at the peak of their careers are not happy? Sometimes, they are so unhappy they commit suicide. It is possible to have everything you have ever wanted and to be a success in the eyes of the world and yet life can seem meaningless. Success is not a guarantee of happiness.

If you are successful and not happy, is that really success?

If you are a happy even though you are not seen as successful, isn’t that its own type of success?

Bertrand Russell wrote, “The happiness that is genuinely satisfying is accompanied by the fullest exercise of our faculties and the fullest realisation of the world in which we live”.

Happiness isn’t a destination, it’s a journey. It is using our talents and abilities and making a difference in the world

And happy people are much more likely to be successful. Happiness can definitely be found on the road to success. If it isn’t found on the road you are on, … maybe …. just maybe …you are on the wrong road.

Happiness or success? A happy life is a successful life. So …. It’s happiness every time. And then, like a shadow … success will follow.

I think to be happy in life, is to be successful. What do you think?

Lessons from a Fish - A Sense of Wonder

Last night I was watching a fascinating TV documentary on fish. There are fish that have lengthy fins that allow them to fly over the water for long distances and who lay their eggs on a floating raft. There are fish that eat from the mouths of a Hippopotamus and others that scratch themselves against the sides of rough sides of sharks to get rid of their parasites. This world is a marvellous place. It amazes me how I can have been alive for fifty years and learning and being aware and still find out new things every day.

A sense of wonder is a key element in being happy and in having fun. Happy people are curious; they explore and learn something every day. People with a sense of wonder are never bored. We wonder where this road leads and what this lever does and if this leaf is edible. We poke and prod and test things and see what happens when we change things around.

We want to know what the universe is made of and what Mars looks like on the surface. We want to watch the ladybirds up close and see what those tiny little seeds hold inside. Happy people find joy in their lives by looking for things to enjoy about right where they are.

If your job is boring, explore options. Can you do it quicker, or better, or differently? If you are trapped in an unhappy situation, what else could you focus on to help the time pass? Keep your sense of wonder and curiosity. It will not only make you happier, but it will also keep you young.

Have a happy week. Nikki

Introduction

Wow ... a new blog to play with and on my favourite subject. Happiness.

It's a crucial subject because .... what else matters? Why have money if it is not to get things that you want. And why do you want them? Perhaps you are really chasing happiness.

Why study? So you can earn more, or know more...... so you can buy things you need or want and know stuff because .... it makes you happy.

Tal Ben-Shahar who teaches a course about happiness at Harvard calls happiness the new currency. Above a certain level of basic need, we all chase things because we want to be happy. And the funny thing is that it is not "things" that make us happy. No way.

So what does?

It is, how we think about "things". And ... how we think about others. And ... how we think about ourselves.

I am one of the happiest people I know. I have several medical problems and no income and am separated from the man I love (for now). But I am happy because I focus on the wonderful things I have instead of the things I don't have. Sound easy? It can be.

In this blog I plan to write to you every day and give you a Happiness Boost.

Lets get HAPPY.......

P.S. I take a lot of photos so I like to include them in my blog. I took this photo yesterday in the front yard of the house where I am staying. Isn't he a character. He even looks like he is smiling.