There is only one time when I held a grudge
for more than a few days, and I held it for years. More than ten years actually.
When I was newly married we lived in Samoa
near my husband’s family and my mother-in-law did something I thought unthinkable.
Something I thought was so bad, so rude, and so absolutely wrong that I felt it
was my duty to hold it against her.
At that time, Samoa had a fairly primitive
postal system. To be sure to get your mail, it was best to collect it from the
post office.
My mother-in-law not only collected my
mail, but she opened it, read it, and kept it for herself. She kept letters
from my mother, letters from friends so that I lost contact with them, my New
Zealand citizenship certificate, and a cheque with my tax refund.
I never did get the tax refund but I was
particularly upset about the citizenship certificate. The one I have now says “replacement” in
big letters and is not at all fancy. I was so mad, I thought it would be wrong
for me to let it go.
I came from a culture that wouldn’t dream
of opening someone’s mail, or touching someone elses “stuff”, or entering their
home uninvited. She came from a culture where you not only walked into a home
uninvited, but you took what you wanted. You could looked into cupboards and
even into the cooking pots and help yourself.
Who do you think suffered most from my bad
feelings? Me of course.
Once I forgave her I stopped having that
cramping, limiting, unhappy feeling when I saw her. I stopped feeling awkward
around her and started relaxing.
At first I was just acting extra friendly,
but eventually I really was friendly and happy to accept her for who she was
and is. It was essential to my happiness for me to
do this.
Do you have anything that makes you mad? Is
it worth keeping it? Can you let it go? Can you pretend to let
it go until it does go?
Why not give it a try? Your happiness
depends on it.
M is for minimize mad moods and make amends
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